Have you ever thought?

Have you ever thought
the crack of thunder
the babbling streams
the bobbling glaciers
aquamarine?

The Starling’s dance
spring anew
Have you ever thought
…it’s all for you?

 

Life Potpourri

There ain’t no Book of Life
at the Pearly Gates.
Instead, God sniffs your life potpourri
and (Bam!) He knows your fate.

You see, all your thoughts and actions
from the kind to oh-so-evil
dry into life potpourri
ready for Divine retrieval.

Angels flank him at His sides
(with espresso beans in hand),
cleansing his nasal palate
prevents a misreading of “bland!”

If God wrinkles his nose at your bowl
(or worse!) recoils in disgust:
your plans for everlasting bliss
perchance are a bit robust.

And if God should have a cold that day
and his olfactory sense is missing.
You’ll join the queue in Purgatory
till His nose has had some fixing.

His Saints potpourri is in His sock drawer.
His Angels in sachets.
His do-gooders are on His mantel.
His devotees by His ashtray.

Oh the Humility

I’m the flagship store.
I’m the grand debut.
I’m the gasps, the clicks,
the points, the stares.
Did you know that I’m HQ?

I’m the reason for confetti.
The cheers, the “hip hip hoorays!”
I am the Honoree,
the Mother-ship,
the encore at the ballet.

I’m the ceremony.
The Laureate.
I take the cake.
In this little thing called life
did you know I raise the stakes?

Late Bloomer

 
If they call you a late bloomer
just say “hip hip hooray.”
One day you’ll start-a-bloomin’
while they’ll be darning their crochet.

Virus Cure

Oh the virus has infected you!

It’s rampant and you’re teeming!

To cure yourself? Only one way!

Look at life as though your dreaming

The voice of an unpublished writer

I think I’ll write poetry for life

without care of what minds think.

Afterall should you not like it now

…. perhaps you will after a drink.

Refuse to be a side dish in life

Be not the green beans, mash or niblet corn

grab the wheel of life and honk that horn!

The last place the Zoo Keeper might look….

There’s an elephant in the bathtub

 (the drains clogged with peanut shells once more).

Theres a chinchilla in the bedroom

who only answers to “senor.”

There’s a hippo counting spin cycles

of a sparrow in the dryer

(he’s searching for his sparrow pants

that have a 2 for 1 worm buffet flyer).

There’s a penguin in the freezer

waiting for the ice box to set.

There’s pack of lions in the study

learning to play russian roulette.

There are 10 rats wearing spoons as helmuts

 riding down the garbage chute.

There’s a german owl getting elocution lessons

“no no! It’s not “voot”…its “hoot!”

There’s a giraffe in the dining room

sneering: “uh, such taste nouveau!”

There’s a zoo keeper looking into empty cells

and thinking one thing: “uh oh.”

The most convenient Dentist

New dentist open for business

no appointment is required.

All you need to do is let him know

what time each day you’re tired.

He’ll pop by close to bedtime

as he does with all his patients

He’ll yawn 10 times right in your face

 (since yawing is contagious!).

On cue as you yawn back to him

be sure to open wide,

he’ll clean your teeth at lightning speed

and take a look inside.

Should you fall alseep on him

and chomp down on his tools

I’m afraid his fees go up for his

(as does cleaning your drool).

 An extra fee  is charged as well

 for cleaning as you sleep-walk.

And for an extra hundred flat

 he’ll record what you sleep -talk!

He’s only had one complaint thus far

“In defense, she does look fetching”

Cindy Loo might disagree:

(he attached her braces to her bedding!)

No matter your opinion though

(and most do think his skills are splendid)

To your complaint he’ll always say:

“I’m tooth fairy recommended!”

Relationship Reality Check

If distance makes the heart grow fonder

do you look at yours & think “go wander”

Chez Pierre?

Chez Pierre?

I’m calling to discuss your duck

 I’ve heard its the best in town.

 But I’m not convinced.. not one bit

so take these instructions down.

Before I dine in 2 weeks time I like

to learn your pre cooking technique.

Not from  your chef or maitre’d

 but from your duck’s own beak!

Please start him on an English course

excelerated written and verbal.

I won’t tolerate “it can’t be done”

I just met turkish speaking gerbal!

If his answer is unsavory

I’m guessing my palette he won’t thrill.

So he can join me for lunch

(…he’ll be handling the bill).

Tunnel of Love

Come one, come all

Don’t be timid!

Ride the tunnel of love

Buy here your ticket!

Feeling lonely?

Dateless still?

Enter heart-a-broken

Leave heart-a-thrill!

I took a seat

and to my delight

 tall dark and handsome

was to my right!

But once in the tunnel

there was a gaze on my face.

Uh oh! Tall dark and handsome

had been swiftly replaced!

A pair of thick lenses

stared back at me.

 Acne reading science journal

had moved up from row 3!

I considered jumping overboard

 while in tunnel’s cave.

 “I don’t like bunsen burners!!!”

 in my mind I did engrave.

But cupid I knew had struck me

when I had the thought disgraceful

“I’d really like to learn more about …

 the perodic table!”

The tunnel had me as a victim

as we moved out from its shelter.

I touched his arm, batted my eyes and asked:

“Is that real polyester?”

So consider this a warning

on this love inducing ride.

Its best to always have a say

on who you sit beside.

Spouce Migration

 Spouce migration

from bed to couch

can be prevented by

 a censored mouth

***Hi everyone! I will be in Phuket for work so won’t be posting this week….rhyme to you soon!

Cupid Archery School

Cupid Archery School

 now open for admissions.

 Bow and arrow are provided.

Clothes strictly are forbidden!

Sharp eyesight is required

as is good hand eye coordination!

(While the school wishes the couple well

 we don’t want a repeat of last year’s goat / horse situation!).

Applicants must be girth generous

 (slim cupids are unsightly!).

 Please address your application

 to Headmaster Aphrodite.

 Should you be rejected

we offer remedial love 101 at night.

NB: Many of our rejected candidates

have launched successful dating sites.

A word from a fanatic Vegetarian

Vegetarianism

is a movement chock full of slackers.

How can you truly worship the legume…

if you eat animal crackers!!?

How to be a Wife

Being a wife is easy.

The rules are stark and bare:

Repeat what you just have said

and be not attached to his hair.

The postbox reads my mail

I have a theory.

It’s no tall tale!

I’m sure the postbox

reads my mail!

Just yesterday

I put in a letter

heard a pen uncap

then: “that’s better!”

I mailed a sweater

to Cousin Doug

heard paper rip

then  “…a little snug!”

 I’m sure I saw him

blush 1/2  shade redder!

I think he was

reading my love letter!

And for some reason

I now have a subscription

to “Postbox Digest:

Collectors’s Edition!”

I’m not quite sure

on what to do next.

But one things for sure:

no mailing cheques!

Granny in her rocking chair

To keep Granny rocking at good tempo

serve her tea and cake alfresco.

Just ensure the tea’s decaf

(Whispers:) I’m sure “why” you dont’ have to ask…

Don’t you remember the headline from last year’s Telegraph?

Geologists baffled!

Caffeine feuled Granny rocks down to Earth’s Mantle!!

Traffic advice for the brave

Red light doesn’t really mean stop.

 It means proceed

(just don’t get caught!)

Yellow light? Ha!

Silly light citrus!

Its point is just to break up

 colour sheme christmas!

Green light?

Oh it has two messages key!

Step on the gas

and plant a tree.

Honesty meet Conversation. Conversation meet Honesty.

In conversation

— (interrupt all of a sudden)–

“I’m sorry but where may I ask

is your unsubscribe button?

The worst hostess in the world

“Hello welcome to our restaurant.

For how many?  Smoking or not?

Follow me please”  (Two steps in)

“Uh oh I think we’re lost”

A rebuffed invitation

Dinner this week?

 Cocktails too?

 Sounds divine!

Just not with you!

Bad love advice

If you want to be adored

 the rules are simple: just ignore.

 Ignore him when his eyes on you

 ignore him when his calls persue.

 Ignore too long? (…to be abhorbed!)

He can’t pursue you from the morgue!

The complex relationship, dynamics and history of numbers 1 through 10

Cliques aren’t allowed,

in the number line.

That’s why there’s an even between

 each and every prime.

6 is a rebel.

 A rebel.. outright!

 (As he’s the only number

 facing to the right!).

3 and 8 have history.

 Once each other they did resemble.

Until they got into a fight

and part of 3 eight disassembled!

Even 10 has issues,

(oh, he’s deeply blue!).

“If you saw 01 in the mirror,

 you would have issues too.”

0 through 9 love living,

a true bachelor’s life.

Fact: all numbers above 9…

 have a number wife!

There are some numbers,

hmm, how do this I word?

Like 22 and 44…

that truly me disturb!

9 and 10 have egos,

egos indeed grostesque,

(afterall on the rating scale

they are rated the best).

But remove their circles

(10’s beside, nine’s at the top).

 And both are simply “1”

(that always gives their ego a good knock!).

The issues of 1 through 10,

 are indeed complex.

But brace yoursef, it does get worse:

 just try the alphabet!

The friends that never leave

Sun up fresh day.

Preconceptions go away!

Keep your distance inclinations!

Stay away temptations!

Habits waiting in living room?

Prejudice in mental womb?

Tendancies impatient to get started?

Quick go tell whims that I’ve departed.

Sun down under covers.

 Perspective’s here

as are the others.

With good intentions I tried to stray

but all they said was “not today.”

Wait, where’s habit? He’s gone I think!

Oh he’s just up getting a drink.

The perfect guest

To please one’s host

is not a science.

If food disgusts

blame the appliance.

Buggy on laptop screen

 

A buggy sits on laptop screen.

In one spot it does hover.

How do I break its buggy heart?

It thinks the cursor is its mother!

Some good advice

If one’s dizzy

drink some fizzy.

Rumble Roar

There’s a rumble

I can’t ignore

It rumbles loud

It rumble roars!

This rumble from my thoughts won’t vanish

The world is ending?

Nope,  just famished!

When I’m old

When I’m old I’ll fill my wrinkles

with some skin coloured sprinkles.

My face will be a mosaic

 and no longer will I look archaic.

Birdy Funny

Birdy worm

in birdy tummy.

Birdy poop on head

is birdy funny!

Breakfast and Work

Scrambled boss for breakfast

with a side of water cooler.

A steaming cup of deadline

topped with inter-office rumours!

Email egg at lunchtime.

Bacon’s down my back once more.

Toast wants to see the figures.

Coffee’s meeting was a bore!

Matchmaking by the Phone

My phone doesn’t like my boyfriend,

on our calls I know he’s listening.

He often crosses the line & whispers….

“try him, he’s much more interesting!”

The worst patient

Hello Doctor.

I’m unwell.

My fever’s feving,

my brain has swelled.

My knees are knocking double time

and I cannot stop speaking in rthyme!

I think your reading material gave me bronchitus

and your doorknob….arthritis!

Your previous patient, her dignosis?

It looked like rubella with slight neurosis!

You better write me her prescription,

as it seems I’ve got her affliction.

How clean is that stethoscope?

Wait – have you sworn the Hippocatric Oath?

Doctor, is that mole benign?

Tell me Doctor… are you feeling fine?

Execu-manage-chief-inator

I’m an Execu-manage-chief-inator.

I Execu-manage!

It’s my job to process-alize:

Chief-inator-execu-damage!

The Social Life of my Organs

My lungs are the grocery store.

My spleen is at a premiere.

My colon is at therapy

(he’s got digestion related fears!)

My pancreas is pool side.

My liver’s skipping school.

My ears are at a coffee shop

reading poetry to my drool!

My gall bladder  is down on Main street

(He’s dry cleaning all his shirts).

My stomach is picketing 24 hours:

“I’ll only take dessert!”

My throat is out of office

(he’s learning how to drive)

which just leaves my heart and me

…..and means I’m still alive!

Baby Observation

Baby smiling

Coo chi coo!!

Baby screaming

Puppy will do!

Pencil loves Eraser

Pencil loves eraser.

Swirls of lead love fill his tummy.

He’ll even face the sharpener

to get close to his gummy!

Feet and Brain

My feet and brain

have an alliance.

Brain thinks a thought

and then…defiance!

My feet follow through

and start to walk.

Consult me first?

They do not!

I’m a little scared,

I cannot lie,

what if  brain thinks the thought

“I’d like to try….:”

A Norwegian sandwich,

an Alaskan pie,

Italy’s pizza,

China’s stir fry.

I’ll be walking all day!

Walking all night!

Well…

at least I’ll build an appetite!

The Universe is Expanding!!

The Universe’s expanding,

he’s a little over weight.

And no wonder so!

Have you seen what’s on his plate?

He eats planets by the cosmos,

asteroids by the dozen.

He even ate Centauras A

(Milky way’s distant cousin!)

He sprinkles suns with moon dust,

loves a supernova platter.

And just when you think he’s done, he says…

“bring on the Antimatter!”

He can’t say no to Nebula

or a Satellite with his tea.

His favorite thing to midnight munch?

…..dark Energy!

“I’ve tried wearing Black Holes

they’re slimming but not much.

When gravity pulls you out not down

life is a little tough!”

The universe’s expanding

one thing I must you tell:

it’s too late to escape him since

he’s eatten you as well!