Hilarious

Relationship Reality Check

If distance makes the heart grow fonder

do you look at yours & think “go wander”

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Hilarious

Chez Pierre?

Chez Pierre?

I’m calling to discuss your duck

 I’ve heard its the best in town.

 But I’m not convinced.. not one bit

so take these instructions down.

Before I dine in 2 weeks time I like

to learn your pre cooking technique.

Not from  your chef or maitre’d

 but from your duck’s own beak!

Please start him on an English course

excelerated written and verbal.

I won’t tolerate “it can’t be done”

I just met turkish speaking gerbal!

If his answer is unsavory

I’m guessing my palette he won’t thrill.

So he can join me for lunch

(…he’ll be handling the bill).

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Hilarious

Tunnel of Love

Come one, come all

Don’t be timid!

Ride the tunnel of love

Buy here your ticket!

Feeling lonely?

Dateless still?

Enter heart-a-broken

Leave heart-a-thrill!

I took a seat

and to my delight

 tall dark and handsome

was to my right!

But once in the tunnel

there was a gaze on my face.

Uh oh! Tall dark and handsome

had been swiftly replaced!

A pair of thick lenses

stared back at me.

 Acne reading science journal

had moved up from row 3!

I considered jumping overboard

 while in tunnel’s cave.

 “I don’t like bunsen burners!!!”

 in my mind I did engrave.

But cupid I knew had struck me

when I had the thought disgraceful

“I’d really like to learn more about …

 the perodic table!”

The tunnel had me as a victim

as we moved out from its shelter.

I touched his arm, batted my eyes and asked:

“Is that real polyester?”

So consider this a warning

on this love inducing ride.

Its best to always have a say

on who you sit beside.

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Hilarious

Spouce Migration

 Spouce migration

from bed to couch

can be prevented by

 a censored mouth

***Hi everyone! I will be in Phuket for work so won’t be posting this week….rhyme to you soon!

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Cupid Archery School

Cupid Archery School

 now open for admissions.

 Bow and arrow are provided.

Clothes strictly are forbidden!

Sharp eyesight is required

as is good hand eye coordination!

(While the school wishes the couple well

 we don’t want a repeat of last year’s goat / horse situation!).

Applicants must be girth generous

 (slim cupids are unsightly!).

 Please address your application

 to Headmaster Aphrodite.

 Should you be rejected

we offer remedial love 101 at night.

NB: Many of our rejected candidates

have launched successful dating sites.

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Hilarious

A word from a fanatic Vegetarian

Vegetarianism

is a movement chock full of slackers.

How can you truly worship the legume…

if you eat animal crackers!!?

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Hilarious

How to be a Wife

Being a wife is easy.

The rules are stark and bare:

Repeat what you just have said

and be not attached to his hair.

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