Hilarious

To do

Hold your head up high
(your neck will do the work)
Deep breath in,
flash a smile.
Now get to work!

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Hilarious

School notebook

“Teacher I’ve lost my notebook
so this Zebra will take its place.
I’ll stay within the lines
I’m just not sure how to erase.”

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Hilarious

Suspicious Granny

Granny smirking in her chair,
a suspicious Granny sitting.
Oh my dentures!
Have you seen
just what Granny’s knitting!?

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Hilarious

An 8 year old’s resume

Snowflake taster.

Recess connoisseur.

Goodie-bag aficionado.

Head lice chauffeur.

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Hilarious

Unlikely to get the job

Listed as her top credential:

“proficient in all three utensils.”

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Mini poems on Motherhood

Sunday best
now a mest.

Baby grabbed spoon!
(Harvard bound!)
Maybe not so soon…
(spoon on ground).

Peek a boo round four
cute beyond belief.
Peek a boo round thirty-five,
mama wants aperitif.

Birth plan devised
(no nurse shall it hinder!)
Contractions start…
plan out the vinder!

In public
baby vocals
sounds great deal like
prepubescent yoddle.

 

 

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Skinny Santa

Mrs. Clause put Santa on a diet

but now he’s sitting in a cell.

His christmas eve mission this year…well,

did not really go so well.

Section 2 (breaking & entering)

was his Christmas morning crime.

 With no rosey cheeks or stomach round

he wasn’t recognized!

Thud! Santa flew down the chimney

(his belly used to provide some friction)

This year presents weren’t on his mind

… cupboard raiding was his mission!

Spotting the milk and cookies

he raced to them in a flash.

 Soon only crumbs and drops were left

 ……but Santa wanted the stash!

He would have gotten away with it

 if after the cookies he did scury.

It was the sound of pots and pans that night

that awoke the Jones in a fury.

“At 3am he stood in my kitchen,

 a skinny Santa eatting my squid!

He even brought his own apron that said:

“Being naughty saves me a trip!””

So Santa has a mugshot now

But his regrets are zero, null!

His grin has a message clear

“at least my tummy’s nice and full.”

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